There seems to be a really huge hole in my heart, a kind of emptiness that I cannot comprehend. It's like a dementor is following me everywhere, sucking out the happiness,joy and life in me.It's a cold,uncomfortable feeling that I don't like at all.

I had my worst night in the entire week. I have no idea why I cried so hard too. I felt so alone, like my entire world was crashing down on me,falling apart bit by bit,pieces by pieces.

You know how you can cry very differently on different occasions? When you're watching Marley & Me or My Sister's Keeper, you tears just stream down your cheeks because you feel their pain,you feel like you share their grief,and perhaps some part of it is sympathy. But there are some other times you just close your door behind your back and you just cry,cry out loud,sometimes to the extent that you're screaming? I'm not sure if it takes away some of the pain in our heart,or if it makes us feel better,but I just felt like doing it,because I felt like nobody had understand anything.I feel like I'm trying so hard and nobody can see it because all of my thoughts are confined to my head,to myself.

I had to talk to some one so badly last night, and nobody in the entire world was available to me,I called my mother.She is such a great woman,at least for last night.Though she kind of laughed at me,at how ridiculous I was getting so upset about everything,the fact that she just threw her work aside and talk to me, I was comforted.And also I was talking in between sobbs and hiccups because I was crying so hard,and yet she took the patience to understand everything I was saying and how I was feeling,it made me calm down more and feel better after a while.

The feeling of having to please everyone,having to please myself is torturous sometimes. It's really hard to balance and maintain, and I always always end up messing things and making me and others feel so sour and terrible.